The Insane Idea of Marriage

                A beautiful white dress, delicate, intricate, breath-takingly magnificent, on a day in mid-spring or mid-fall, where the flowers have begun to bloom or the leaves have reached the end of their life span. With a Tiffany Lucida with a diamond band. Or maybe a Cartier Ballerine Solitaire, size 5 3/4. I want to get married to no, not the perfect man, but to my best friend. Maybe somewhere in Greece overlooking the Aegean Sea. That wouldn't fit the description of fresh spring or mid fall. I want a wedding that is simplistic, intimate, and enjoyable. I want there to be some comedy, but a great deal of sincerity. Dreaming that I'll ever get proposed to... Lord only knows if that will happen. My wonderful boyfriend mentioned that he thought Savannah, Georgia would be a great place to get married. I just sat down to look at some images through Google and found he is most definitely right. It is a town that is almost frozen in time. It's a very green town and has a unique old, quaint feel to it. To think about a wedding is every little girl's dream. To be honest, I've never quite given it that much thought. I just know that I would want a very small wedding, not to impress but to welcome all new family together and enjoy one another's company.

              If I ever make it that far in a relationship, I will be so blessed. Thus far in life, I'm just going to enjoy what I have and take every day as it comes. God has blessed me with so much already, too much good to dream of ever looking for something better. Keep watering that garden, as more plants will grow with the sun shine and you will have more than just a beautiful backyard.

I am Selfish

What is in this relationship that I can benefit from? Am I happy? Am I satisfied in just spending time with him? Because the minute that I have one difficulty or maybe disagree with him, it seems like it is no longer going to work. We seem to function in this way always, as women. Look at all of the divorce rates in America and how quickly they have escalated in the past 50 years. We are done putting our two cents and expect a harmonious relationship naturally. Yes, you should find someone that you are happy with, who makes you feel like a Queen, and loves you endlessly, but does that mean that at times you are going to receive nothing? Of course! You cannot expect a 50/50 relationship constantly. There are going to be times (that is if you are in a committed life-long relationship) where you have kids and it's 60/40; times when you always take the kids to soccer practice & always drive them around and your husband doesn't because he's too busy making a living to support the family, 70/30. It may not ever feel like enough until you learn to appreciate and understand them for what they are and what they have to offer.

Maybe 10 years down the road, you may not have that spicy romance, may not have that lush wild sex, may not have that peace and quite before bed, but you also have developed such a friendship with your partner over that time. Over the past 10 years you have learned more about each other through every bicker, through every phone call, through every conversation before bed, through each welcoming of a new child, through each meal at the dinner table. We have to be so careful with relationships because now we are all giving up more quickly and easily saying that well I am not happy in this relationship. Then you proceed to a new relationship and find that you are not happy, so you leave once again, when in reality your perception of happiness is only found within an obscured fairytale.

The best marriages I have seen are between those two who are best friends prior to marriage.  It is only conspicuous because these two already have a clear understanding of one another and find that they have enough in common to love each other on a brother/sister level. They watch out for one another, understand when they are upset and how to lift them up. They are best friends because they share everything with one another and trust each other equally.

What I am trying to say underneath these sheets is do not look for what you can take from the relationship, but rather what you can and are willing to give. Give at your own will and never expect anything. We seek relationships in life that are equal where we can give and find happiness in our mate. Continue to search for that but also never forget that he may not show his love the same way that you do. Behind all of the sweet surprise gifts and amazing meals that you may prepare for him, he may show his love by simply being present. Men are simple and women are complex. Let's make it easier on them and appreciate them for all they are and remind them of what a great job they are doing. I dare you!

Nashville & All It's Glory

Pardon me if I'm not driving 15 miles over the speed limit. Excuse me if I follow the speed limit when metro is driving next to me on the interstate. STOP TAILGATING ME! It's not funny and I understand that you may be impatient, but that is no excuse for this appalling behavior! You're driving in an audi, impala, infinity, or mercedes and you think that while you are in that vehicle you are King of the world.   If you would just merge appropriately and not try to pass me because you think that you will be faster than the rest of traffic on this one lane road you wouldn't be so frustrated all the time when you drive. I just want to get a bumper sticker for my car that says, "Chill the fuck out. You're just driving," People do not understand in the city of Nashville how to drive. I am not going to speak out and say that I am a wonderfully amazing driver, because I too, am new to the driving world. With only 3 years of experience under my belt, I've still got a heaping amount of learning to do. Regardless people do not understand what a yield sign means and they just pull out in front of you whilst you're driving 45 miles an hour. And what's up with people not using their blinkers, just slowing down 400 feet before their turn and going 20 mph, and without signal just turn. It's so frustrating! Drivers need to communicate with one another and treat each other as neighbors would. It's almost as if people are performing mass murders while they are driving.

I even have a bumper sticker that says, "If you tailgate me I'll flick a booger on your windshield." I really don't think that people believe me when I say that; its nearly more encouraging for their disrespectful behavior. Oh Lord. So, I have started using my horn. Yes, you read that correctly. I am venturing out in this town to use my horn to get people to understand that they are being horrible drivers. I used it on the interstate the other day when someone cut me off and they got frightened. Yes! I am talking to you & yes I am upset that you just pulled in front of me with barely any space between me and the care in front of me. He used his blinker for the next move! One driver at a time, one driver at a time is all it takes. Nashville I'm coming for you! If you see me driving my Honda CR-V green, with a "Keep Tahoe Blue", "Italia Soccer", "Nashville State", and "If you tailgate me, I'll flick a booger on your windshield" sticker, give me a wave and I might, just might flip you off, depending on if you've read this blog and are performing such actions.

Oh Nashville, together, we can change these terrible drivers.

Not Satisfied?

How can we ask for more when there is nothing to give. Love is not your typical duty nor chore. It cannot provide nor can it satisfy. There is nothing to give when you are in love, but your heart. I find it funny that so many people run away from love because they think they need more. I was one of them, but does it count if I was sixteen? Many people have this idea of a beautiful romance with red roses, fancy nights out to dinner, surprise chocolates. It's all so luxurious and people begin to forget that in none of that can you find delight. Through actions, through memories, through pure silence, through arguments of nothingness, you find love. 

If love is composed of one soul within two bodies, then why do we need all of these artificial gifts to make us feel loved? I still can't come up with an answer for that one because I too, want all of these false reminders that I am loved. It's not rocket science, women love to feel appreciated for our selfless works.  Seeing a man and all he has to offer, is clearly not enough for women at this current place in time. Women have finally been given the opportunity to discover their abilities and showcase their talents in todays society. We understand our worth and no longer see ourselves as purely caretakers. 

I am reminded now more than ever how blessed I am to have the relationship that I have, to be reminded of all I am worth, and to feel satisfied in time spent together. What we as women need to understand is that love is not a concoction of superficial deeds, rather a simple gift to be taken as each day comes.